Discount Dummies

I don’t understand people sometimes. Well I do. What I don’t understand is why people think they can get away with some of the things they do.

We recently changed our system so that instead of a monthly payment, you have to pay for 1 year. In order to promote this and get people to sign up, we offered a one day discount of $100 off (the 1 year payment is normally $400).

The first words on the promotion email sent out is “ONE DAY SALE! TODAY ONLY!” and ends with “This promotion expires at 11:59 PM on December 11th, 2013″.

Nearly a month later I’m getting emails from people asking me if they can still use this discount.

“I’ve been out of town and just got to my email. Will you still honor this discount?”

“Is the discount still available? ”

“I know this discount expired, but can you please make an exception for me?”


You snooze, you fuckin’ lose, that’s all there is to it.

You Disgust Me – The Worst Customer of 2013

This customer was the absolute worst person I have ever had to deal with, even worse than the racist old lady or the woman who thought everyone was a pervert.

We have a 1 year money back guarantee. You must stay on a paid plan for a whole year – if you don’t get enough clients to cover your cost, we refund you after that year. If you downgrade to free it becomes null and void. You must agree to the terms and conditions in order to be on it.

This guy had not agreed to the terms and conditions, downgraded after 10 months and was FURIOUS that I refused to refund him. These are actual things he wrote to me:

“That’s fine.  I’m so done with you and [company] it’s not even funny.  Delete my account.  It should be obvious at this point that I am THOROUGHLY disgusted with you and your company.  You disgust me.”

After discussing with my boss we just decided to refund him, as we had received a notification from the BBB that he had filed a complaint. I requested his address so I could send a refund check. Then I wrote “On a more personal note, I would appreciate an apology from you. I am simply doing my job and I feel you unjustly have lashed out at me for doing so. Saying “You disgust me” for doing my job is completely unjustified. I was professional and simply stated all the facts as to why you weren’t entitled to get a refund.”

His response: “On a personal note, I feel you were less than professional and were cold, disconnected, and legalistic.  When I signed up you were all sorts of friendly, cheerful, and warm.  When I wanted my money back, you were cold, dismissive and condescending.  You will not be getting an apology from me.  It might have been unjustified and/or over the line.  From my perspective, I was being held hostage internationally with no recourse [what the fuck does this even mean???].  it became about far more than the money, but principles. Believe me, if I were to “lash out” it would be far more than “you disgust me”.  I won’t apologize for my feelings,  but I didn’t realize they would hurt you to such extent.  For that, I apologize. ”

I have never experienced anyone who was just so angry. I know I shouldn’t take it personally, clearly there is something wrong with this  man that he must lash out in such a way, but it still really bothered me.

I think the thing that bothered me the most though was that he got what he wanted. It just goes to show that if you throw a big enough fit, you just might get your way.

I Want More Clients But I Do Not Want To Work For Them

Okay, I know, it’s been months since the last post, and I can take up all this space making excuses as to why it’s been so long, but I’m not going to. It’s 2014 and I’m going to post my worst of 2013 in a few days. For now, enjoy this next idiot.

Me: Thank you for calling [Company Name], how can I help you?

Customer: I wanted to say thanks for all the recommendations but none of them have contacted me.

I knew this guy had received at least one message in the last week from a recommended match.

Me: Didn’t you receive a contact recently?

Him: Yes, we had a meeting scheduled for 11 am this morning but she never called me.

Me: Well, did you try calling her?

Him: No.


Me: Perhaps you should try calling her, it’s possible she is in a different time zone and marked the meeting time down wrong.

Him: Oh, okay, thanks.

What the hell does he think he’s going to accomplish by contacting me instead of the client that he was supposed to meet with? Don’t people normally wait 5 or so minutes before deciding they should make the contact instead? Clearly this guy expects me to do the work for him. Some people just have no concept about how to run a business.

The Woman Who Cried Pervert… Part 2


If you haven’t read The Woman Who Cried Pervert go read that right now. That happened back in October, and it’s been a decent amount of time – I thought I would never have to deal with her again. Funnily enough, I was going through our system and calling up our customers who had unread messages – and there she was. How could I forget that name when she was one of the craziest customers I’ve ever had to deal with. It also helped that I had just posted the first story about a week before so once again it was fresh in my mind.

I had to call her up. I really should have cancelled her the first time around, and I was sure kicking myself for not doing just that. I figured this wouldn’t be too bad because the message in her inbox appear to be from a woman – I was hoping it would be unlikely for accusations of another pervert.

Me: Hi, may I speak with [She-devil]?
Her: This is [She-devil], who is this?
Me: This is Dax calling from [Company Name], I was just calling to let you kn-
Her: Oh right, you guys. Yeah I have not had any clients from you, and not too long ago someone messaged me but ugh, he definitely only messaged me because I was blonde.

It really took all of my willpower not to just scream at her in frustration. I was on the call – he was not a pervert. He was not crazy. SHE WAS!

Me: Ah, well, I was just calling to let you know that you have another message, from a woman, who is interested in a consultation.
Her: Look, I really don’t have the time right now. Call me back tomorrow morning. Bye.

That was it. I was done dealing with her. She was ungrateful, rude and plain old crazy. So I sent her this email:

Hi She-devil,

You recently received a message from a prospective client. The name is [Name] and the email address she has given is [Email]. There is no other contact  information.

Due to a previous incident with a client who had messaged you and your dissatisfaction with [Company Name], we have, after careful consideration, decided to remove you from the directory. We expect a certain level of professionalism with our coaches and your hasty judgements of potential clients has indicated that you are not a good fit for our service.

We wish you the best of luck with this current client lead and your future endeavours.

Then I removed her crazy ass from the directory.

I sent this email about 4:50 on a weekday, and when I walked in at 9 the following morning my phone was ringing – I answered, and it was her.

Me: Thanks for calling [Company Name] this is Dax speaking, how can I help you?

Her: Hi Dax, I’m calling because of your email last night and I wanted to know why I was removed from your site. If it’s because I was rude to you last night I’m so sorry, I had just finished an exam and I was really stressed out.

She went on to tell me that she has a good track record, she enjoys our company, her husband is a respected lawyer blah blah blah. Finally I just laid it on her. I told her exactly what had happened the previous time when she had called the client a pervert. I told her I was on the phone that time, she was rude, accused us of scamming her and didn’t even try to get things sorted out before jumping to conclusions. It was also unfair of her to accuse someone of being a pervert and only messaging her because she was blonde. Surprisingly she was quiet the whole time and listened to everything I had to say. My co-workers had also stopped what they were doing to listen to me.

Finally when I was done, there was a bit of a pause.

Her: Dax, I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize I had jumped to those conclusions and took my anger out on you guys. You’ve really given me a lot to think about – it’s clear I have some unresolved issues that I need to sort through. Hopefully you can forgive me and maybe we can move forward with our business relationship but I completely understand now why you would want me removed from your site.

Whaaaaaaat?! Someone who was crazy and rude, owning up to their mistakes and apologizing? What. The. Hell. This completely took me by surprise as no other customer you’ve read about has ever apologized to me. She seemed genuinely sincere about it too.

So, this story actually has a happy ending (unfortunately for you guys who thrive on my suffering and misery). I accepted her apology, put her back on our site and told her if this happened again she would be removed permanently.



We host a free monthly teleclass for all of our members to attend. All they need to do is call into the number to connect. This customer is a non-paying customer, never has been and I had never spoken with him before this incident. I was under the impression that these teleclasses would not be recorded because they were happening monthly.

He emailed me about 20 minutes into the hour long teleclass. This is all copy+pasted.

Him: Is this presentation going to be recorded? If not, you lost me from attending since I cannot find you even in facebook.

Me:  This event will not be recorded but it’s happening monthly. Our facebook page is [facebook page]. The number to call into the event is [number + access code]




Me: I can assure you we’re not trying to play any “game” with you. No one else seems to be having issues accessing the call. There is no reason for us to try and keep you from attending this teleclass. If [boss] did decide to record the teleclass, I will forward it on to you.

I’m not sure what the issue is. I just tried calling in on both my cell phone and my landline and I was able to access the call. You need to dial the number [number], enter the access code [acess code] and press # after. It will then confirm the number and if you entered the number correctly, press 1.

I’m sorry I can’t assist you any further as I’m not exactly sure why you would be getting a busy signal.



You need to dial the number [number], enter the access code [code] and press # after. It will then confirm the number and if you entered the number correctly, press 1.

Me: I have spoken with [Boss] and he has informed me that he has recorded the teleclass. He is also unsure as to why you were unable to access the call. We have never had issues with the number being “busy” as you say, and I said before no one else had problems trying to call in, which leads me to believe this is a problem on your end – perhaps the phone plan you have doesn’t allow you to call lines like these?

I do not understand your extreme anger in this situation. I have been trying to help you, I was unable to reproduce the issue on my end, what else would you have me do? All I have gotten from you is rude messages implying that me, [Boss] and this company is trying to dupe you out of something. I’d like to note that this was a free teleclass, and you’ve been on our directory for free for the last two years. You mentioned you do not expect clients from [company name], and that’s fine, but as a free member you have less visibility and are less likely to be contacted.

I would be happy to send this recording to you, but I would like an apology from you first for the unnecessarily rude and uncalled for behaviour.

Him: Maybe because this is the second time this has happened. As far as my phone, I have never had a problem with calling anyone for any presentation. They always went through. Again, this is the second time with your presentations, I had a problem.
Maybe you need to check your phone system. My is fine.

Me: We had plenty of people on the call today, and I was able to access the call from two different lines after you had complained. Our phone system works just fine.

Him: How busy was the phone line at the beginning of your presentation? That would tell you the problem. After the presentation was over would not give you the same results. Think about that first for next time, please.

At this point I decided to call him to try and get things sorted out – I tried calling our teleclass line a few moments after he sent me his first message (20 minutes into the call) and it worked fine for me on two different phones. When he first picked up he seemed pleasant, but the moment I announced who I was he started saying “You’ve been extremely unhelpful in this whole scenario and I just wanted to access the teleclass, I am never dealing with any of these teleclasses again”. He wouldn’t let me get a word in at all, finally I said “You’re being incredibly rude to me and all I am trying to do is help you figure out the problem -” He cut me off, said “NO! You’re NOT helping me!” and hung up on me.

I then sent him this:

After careful consideration, we at [company name] have decided to remove you from our directory. It is clear you are not an appropriate fit for us. Rather than trying to work with us on finding a solution to your issues accessing the free teleclass you chose to berate us. We will not
tolerate this kind of behaviour nor will we take the chance that you may treat potential clients in this manner. Your information has been removed and your account has been cancelled.

His final response:




“What made you UNIQUE yesterday, makes you a COMMODITY today, and EXTINCT tomorrow, unless you ADAPT to change.”

That last quote was at the end of every one of his emails and I thought it was hilarious.

The Woman Who Cried Pervert

Me: Thank you for calling [company name] this is Dax, how can I help you?
Her: This call is being recorded. I’m going to be filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, my husband is a lawyer and I will be contacting the Attorney General. I want a complete refund asap, my account cancelled and all my information removed from your directory.
Me: Umm… I’m sorry but I don’t really understand

Okay, so this took me completely by surprise. To my knowledge, we hadn’t pissed off anyone recently. My company is pretty good actually, while we would like more money we believe in honesty and integrity so we have no problems refunding people if they are not happy with the service.

Her: Someone in your company is obviously paid to send through fake messages pretending to be clients and forcing us to upgrade. This is a major scam and I am absolutely furious. I had a horrible experience before through your company where this man contacted me, hired me and after a bit I got a weird vibe from him and he was starting to ask me personal questions. It just wasn’t kosher. I finally asked him what his religion was and he got all offended and ended our sessions. He was definitely a pervert and I just don’t trust your company any more.

I have no idea what the heck was going on there with her story (why does his religion matter…?), but essentially she was saying the guy that hired her was a pervert.

Me: Okay, well what is the situation now?
Her: I got a message from a “client” and I’ve tried to call the number listed 3 times but it just says “This person does not have a voicemail set up”. This is totally a fake message, a fake telephone number and you guys are scamming me.
Me: It’s not uncommon for people to have no voicemail set up, I call a lot of people and get that automated message.
Her: NO, this is definitely fake. Look at this “client’s” email address as well, it totally looks fake.

The client’s email address had a few (seemingly) random numbers in it but really didn’t look fake at all.

Her: Let me try calling the number again on my cell, and put it on speaker, then you can see what I mean.

So she then sets me down, calls the number and puts him on speaker. Clearly she wasn’t expecting the potential client to pick up… which is exactly what he did.

Him: Hello?
Her: Oh.. uh… Hi is this [client name]?
Him: Yes… How can I help you?
Her: Well this is [name] and you sent me a message last week interested in my services.
Him: Oh yes, thanks for getting back to me but I am no longer interested.
Her: But you did contact me, right? You did want my services?
Him: Uh, yeah but I’m okay now.
Her: Ok, thanks, bye.

So it took a lot of will power to keep my composure and not laugh when he picked up the phone. It was clear that he was a genuine client but he had changed his mind. What came next was even more shocking than when I had first picked up the phone.

Her: Well, he was definitely a pervert.


Me: Um, he just sounded like he wasn’t interested any more.
Her: Listen, I’m an intuitive person, I could tell he was a pervert.

Seriously, what in the actual fuck? Don’t you think a pervert would try to keep you on the line and, you know, act perverted?

I ended up refunding her the whopping $19 she spent to upgrade and get the contact information for this potential client. I asked her if she wanted me to cancel but she said no, not right now. After speaking with my boss about this crazy lady, he said to tell her she isn’t an appropriate fit and we feel we should cancel her account.

I emailed her with confirmation of the refund and said “Please let me know if you would like me to cancel your account as I’m not sure if [company name] is the appropriate site for you.”

I shit you not, this was her response: “Thank you for taking care of the issue in such a prompt and professional manner.  I’d like to see more of [company name] – I don’t think it’s fair to rush to judgement.”

I need to emphasize this last part here:

“I don’t think it’s fair to rush to judgement”


100% of $0 is still $0.

It has been quite a long time since I’ve posted, and a number of you (many of whom I had no idea read this blog) have been asking me when I’m going to post more stories. Keep encouraging me! I’m lazy and put things off.

I’m going to start with a simple story today but I’ve got a great one coming up which I’ll post in the next week or so.

We sent out an email for a free teleclass. Nowhere does it say that it costs anything, we never collected credit card info, on the registration page it says “Free” under “Cost”. Yet, I still received this email:

“This is to be a free event. If it is not. please cancel my form!!”

I don’t even understand what this woman saw to prompt her to send me this email. She even indicates that she’s aware it’s a free event, there’s no reason at all for her to think she’s paid for this.

In cases like these I’m always tempted to email back and say “No problem, I’ve cancelled your registration and refunded you the $0.00 you have paid for this teleclass. Let me know if you have any questions.”

I’d also like to note that she ignored the “please email if you have any questions” and she replied directly to the “” email. Luckily those get forwarded to me too.

Does No One Read?

Remember that $1 promo?

Yeah I am still suffering from it apparently.

The promo was “Upgrade to the $29 plan today and get it for $1!”

Seriously the instructions were simple enough, I don’t know where we went wrong.

I got a phone call today from someone asking when she can downgrade from her “Free Trial”.

Client: I wanted to downgrade from my free trial, I don’t want to be charged. Which is funny because when I upgraded you guys charged me a dollar but whatever.

Words cannot describe my frustration. Seriously. Nowhere did it say Free Trial. It said $1 EVERYWHERE IN THE EMAIL. The promotion code was literally “One Dollar”.


How Do I Computer? Pt 2


Yes. There is a part two to this one. If you haven’t read “How do I computer?” please do so for a bit of context on how stupid this woman is.

I don’t really recall too many of the details from my phone conversation with her as I’ve probably blocked it out.

Typically our phone conversations have ended with her telling me to call her on a specific date/time. Not even asking me if I’m free, she just tells me. Then when I do call her she puts me on hold or tells me she’s busy. This woman has no idea how to respect other people’s time.

I can tell you that the last phone conversation I had with her lasted an hour and a half. My boss felt so bad for me he actually went out and bought me flowers. At the 55 minute mark, I couldn’t take it any more. I started a sentence and hung up the phone (trying to make it appear as if we got disconnect) so I could have a short break from the conversation.

Remember when she asked me if I had charged her credit card after signing up even though she never gave us info? Well this conversation she told me she didn’t have a credit card. That’s right. I have no idea what she thought we would have charged. So then she asked me if she could mail cheques in. Nope, sorry, we only accept Visa/MasterCard. Oh boy. She then went on for 10 minutes telling me she would go to the store and buy a new prepaid visa card every month and the reason why she didn’t have a credit card is because she was ‘hacked’ and told not to put and personal information online for the next two years and to cancel all her cards immediately.

This lovely lady has been contacting us via email as well. Remember our $1 sale that only lasted the day?

“I see you are offering $1.00 dollar sale to go from Free to Basic….
Let’s make a deal……I will give  you $3.00 to bump up to $59.00 on February 1st.
Does that fit into the dollar deal equasion?”

The promo was only for the 31st, only for Free to Premium. All of this information was stated in the promotion email.

This client also got the idea that my boss was going to call her at a certain time (no one was aware of this obviously so she didn’t get a phone call). These are the emails that followed:

Client: I was waiting for your call.
Boss: I think you have been in discussion with [Dax]. I don’t recall saying I would call you on Monday. She should be able to sort you out.
Client: ? sort you out ? In British America what does that mean?
In the USA we would never say we are going to sort you out!
That would be broken english structure meaning ……well….I guess no meaning!
We’d say, what I said….What are you trying to say?
I am happy to speak with her or you, please. May I please proceed with the Mastercard transaction? Can you call me in an hour, please?

What the fuck. Any reasonably logical person could deduce that the meaning was “She could help you out”. This is not an uncommon saying. I also find it hilarious that she is criticizing this saying for having no meaning but she barely makes any sense herself.

I’m not even sure how this woman has managed get this far in life, presumably, on her own. The worst part is she’s pretty nice, so I can’t be subtly rude to her as I don’t feel she deserves it or has the brain capacity to understand what I was doing.

“She couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”

A Collection of Idiots

Apparently some of you enjoy reading these stories. I’ve decided today is going to be a small collection of stupid customers.


Me: Please respond to this email with a few dates and times that I can schedule this for.
Client: How do I schedule this?


Me: We are scheduling for February 12th and on, please respond to this email with 3 dates and times that work best for you.
Client: I’m not available February 12th.


Client: Can you explain to me what the interview is?
Me: Sure, we do a short audio recording that gets posted to your profile. I’ll send the questions ahead of time so you can prepare.
Client: What was that? I was spacing out.

This client is in the business of helping others. She was incredibly rude and had a monotone voice. I can probably guess how well her business does. I’d also like to note that she called me.


We recently had a promotion – pay $1 for one month of our service. It stated clearly in the email you simply need to upgrade and use the special discount code. It also stated this was one day only.

Client: Yeah so I’m trying to get the discount but it says my email address is taken
Me: Sorry, I don’t understand. Are you logged in?
Client: Well, no, I’m setting up a new profile.

All the client had to do was make sure he was logged in to upgrade, instead he went through the whole upgrade process. Sadly this happened three times that day.

Several days after that promotion I received numerous calls from clients asking me why the discount code says “expired”.

Probably because it’s expired, dumbasses.